Lifestyle Magazines Should Be Written More Like GQ

Cover: How to attract attention, how to do your hair, how to achieve this look, how to raise self-confidence, how to be on your own. 

I’m tempted to attack gossip magazines, but I can’t as much as I’d like to because the topics mentioned above are things that actual girls talk about. In fact, they’re things that I’ve spent minutes, nay hours, talking and reading about, and I will never get that time back. I can only say that if Cosmo writers wanted one of their magazines to be able to hold my attention for more than 20 minutes, in places other than waiting rooms, they can look into making the following changes: 

1. Make jokes

It is frighteningly sad how not funny all of these magazines are. Really. Really not funny. From the straight fashion types to the gossip-heavy ones, our magazines are pretty consistently devoid of any humor past, “What kind of skirt is that? She looks like a cheetah.” Good one, you really showed ‘em.

GQ had an article about the top ten douchiest schools in the country with each of them ranked as winners of the “Who do you know here” Conference, or the “Large schools with mediocre sports programs” Conference. I loved it. 

I suppose the reason this can happen is because guys are more willing to laugh at themselves than girls are, which, put plainly, sucks. I say hire some crass female writers to include their own narratives in gossip mags, and maybe write up the “Top Ten Bars to Avoid If You’re Not a Gold Digger,” and I would read that in an instant.

2. Have a little class

This is a tough one to explain. GQ could be called a lifestyle magazine — Its motto after all is “Look Sharp, Live Smart.” Cosmopolitan, as a lifestyle magazine, doesn’t have a slogan, but I’m pretty sure if it did, it’d be something like, “Dress Sexy, Have Sex.” 

I love reading Cosmo’s bizarre sex tips as much as the next girl, but it might be cool to be treated as a lady in the street, not just a freak in the bed (XOXO Luda). 

3. Give me some Funny or Die videos

I can’t get over the humor thing, I just can’t. GQ has this. Why? Please.

4. Give me some actual tips

Things I need help figuring out right now, or might need help with in the next few years are: establishing myself in a workplace, performing well in an interview, being friends with my employers, knowing social boundaries in a workplace. On the more social side, I’ll need to move into my own place, find new places to go in a new city, learn how to budget and still look presentable — How exactly does one budget?(There are actually many apps for that). But seriously, a little more depth on any of these would be grand.